HAPPY BIRHTDAY AVERY!!

Today would have been Avery's 3rd birthday!! Doesn't seem possible that 3 years ago today God gave us to her...and only for a short time. We honor her today by sponsoring a day on Life 101.9, our most favorite radio station. We will also be doing a balloon release later today with the boys...I am hoping that will be a tradition that we will continue to do over the years.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and support!!

Avery - our hearts are joyful today because you are at the place we long to be, but we also miss you so much and can't wait for the day to see you again....

We love you sugar!!

Dad, Mom, Tate, Austin and Tanner

Flying banana cake....

Today we (Tate and Austin and myself) decided to make banana cake. We had three bananas that were very discolored and they either needed to be pitched or used...I have this great recipe for banana cake I got from a friend years ago, so we decided banana cake it is. I have been doing a lot more cooking and having the boys help me with gathering ingredients, reading directions and measuring. My main goal is to teach the boys skills to survive on their own some day and make really good husbands...anyway back to the story.

We had everything mixed and I had just pulled the mixer up so all of the banana gup could drip off before we put it in the pan to bake. Just as I turned my back to grab the spatula, Tate grabbed the lever and Austin bumped Tate's hand and within a second banana cake was flying, and I repeat FLYING, all over the kitchen. It happened so fast, and it felt like I was moving in slow motion to get the lever pulled back to OFF. Once it was off, my type A personality (not very happy mom), looked at Tate and said, "What caused you to do that....?" I could just see the tears well in his eyes and at that moment I realized this was a complete mistake, I need not make a big deal out of it. So, as banana cake was splattered throughout my hair and running down by face, I quietly reclaimed my composure....and then we laughed and laughed as we looked around the kitchen to see all of the different places it had landed.

I often forget that even as adults when we are being taught new things, mistakes are bound to happen....in fact we usually learn more from the mistakes we make then anything else. So, when you are taking the time to teach your children new things remember not only are they learning new skills they are also learning about how to act (or react). Patients is something I struggle with from time to time (because of my darn type A personality) but patients is what I hope to show my children even if there is banana cake dripping from the ceiling....

From now on, the cake is going to be called Flying Banana Cake.

A pony ride...

The people that bought our old house have 3 children and horses. They fenced in an area as fast as they could and now have their horses with them. We took Tate and Austin over on Sunday evening for a pony ride from soda pop. Avery always used to tap her cheek and say "HORSEY - HORSEY!!" I wonder what she would have thought about riding one. The boys loved it, we hope to visit again!!

A visit from friends...

On Sunday our friends from Peoria visited us..it was so great to chat and catch up. We don't see then very often, but love when we get to spend some time with them. They have two girls (Lauren and Leah) and Tate and Austin loved hanging out with them.
Thanks again for stopping by, it was great to see you guys!!

Fun, fun fun...

We had another great weekend, the weather was cool - PERFECT for a bonfire and some yummy smores....I miss not seeing my little Avery in these pictures but know we will see her someday, and she will be perfect!! I can't wait.

Up for discussion...

So - Rob and I have been debating if we are going to have any more children. I think we have kind of reversed roles because Rob really wants to have another child and I would like to get some calves....YES, I said calves.

I would like to get some baby calves for the boys to raise and then sell them at the end of the year. Rob would opt for another little one (but admits he likes not having to get up with them in the middle of the night).....these two options are up for discussion and we are hoping to agree on something fairly soon. If we do have another child, we would want them close together in age (like Tate and Austin) so just keep you eyes peeled and see who wins....

calves or baby?!?

Relaxing weekend...

We had a nice relaxing weekend...Austin had a bit of a temperature on Friday so we have kind of stayed around the house and relaxed. Today we cleaned the garage and the boys cleaned all of their toys. We also took the training wheels off both of the bikes we have. Since we live in the country we don't get to ride our bikes a lot so the training wheels have never come off. Tate was riding without them in no time and Austin just about has it mastered...I snapped the last picture of Tanner as he was resting on my leg enjoying the nice night.

Rice cereal is added to the menu

Tanner is doing well, and already we ask ourselves what our lives were like without him...he fits well into the Kochan klan, we love him dearly!! I had him in for his 4 month appointment and he is a peanut. Only 13 pounds, so I am back to feeding him every 2 hours during the day and also rice cereal before bed. As you can see, it takes them a while to get used to eating solids. I will try anything to get him sleeping through the night. All of our other kiddos were sleeping through the night at his age..Tanner just can't seem to make it without some midnight snacking...

Well...here goes

They say it is never too late to start...and yet I feel so behind in my posts. So much has happened since my last post and so much I want to update everyone on...so stay tuned and I promise I will be posting more soon.

But first, I took the boys to flash last week to do some pictures...I wanted to post these, they did an amazing job of capturing their true personalities...

Tater tot - my shy guy...so easy-going and so lovable..

Aussie - my funny guy...always trying to get the last laugh

(even if he gets in trouble for it.)

Tanner bananner - my cutie pie...I just love the look on his face..brings tears to my eyes.

More updates to come...

I know I haven't posted in a long time....I promise to have a lot more updates in the near future, but my hands have been kind of full these past few weeks and we are still trying to establish a routine with Tanner added to our mix!!

Many people have wondered how we are doing since the birth of Tanner?

Have emotions resurfaced about Avery, and is it hard having a little one around.....

Before I address the above questions, I have to say we have been in good company every step of this new journey and without our faith in God and our amazing support from our family and friends, we wouldn't be where we are now.

I must say from a mom's perspective, the hole in my heart will remain until I am reunited with my daughter again..but Rob and I both look at Tanner as his own individual person,

this little blessing created by God - for us!!

My heart aches the same over the loss of our daughter...no more with Tanner here and really no less...but grief comes and goes all of the time. Maybe it is the sleep deprivation, the many trips to the hospital to continue checking Tanner's bili, or seeing one of our children begin to show some signs of losing his sister...grief can be a hard thing....I have also learned that grief really wears on people emotionally...just when you think you are getting things back in line, something else comes up and WHAM hits you right where it hurts!!

My personality tends to go into "shut down" mode when I get overwhelmed with emotions, daily tasks and just life in general, but again I thank each of you for the continued prayer and support...and for putting up with me!!

One last thing, I have changed my playlist to one song again, (I know many of you don't like it when I do this) but I love this song by MercyMe, it is called "Finally Home"...

If I could change the words, I would and this is what I would say....

"Finally Home"
I'm gonna wrap my arms around Avery and tell her that I've missed her

and tell her all about the mom that I became and hope that it pleased her

there's so much I want to say there's so much I want you to know

when I finally make it home when I finally make it home

then I'll gaze upon the throne of the King frozen in my steps

and all the questions that is wore I would ask words just won't come yet

so amazed at what I've seen so much more than this old mind can hold

and the sweetest sound my ears have yet to hear voices on angels

The nursery

Here is my nursery...for all of you that don't know the story behind the nursery. It got completely designed by a good friend of mine, Lisa. I picked out my favorite boy and girl colors (since we never know what we are having) and I bought the bedding and then she does EVERYTHING else. And that means she is at the hospital waiting to find out BOY or GIRL and by the time I get home from the hospital, a few days later, my nursery is COMPLETE!! It is one of my most favorite gifts of all. The pictures don't do Tanner's nursery justice..if you want to see it in person come on out!! Thank you Lisa for always decorating the nursery for us...it is so very special to me!! Avery's room left me speechless and Tanner's room was more than I could ask for...thanks again for everything!!

Labor and delivery

My labor and delivery was fairly uneventful.....but one of my favorite parts of my labor and delivery is my nurse. Rosemary has been my labor and delivery nurse for ALL of my children. She was with me (and we didn't know who she was) when I delivered Tate, (and I about fell off the bed) when she said, "WOW - 9 pounds 8 oz...pretty good size for your first one ahh Jeanie?"

Soon after that we became friends, and have remained friends over the years. Ever since then I tell Rob I won't go to the hospital if she isn't there....she has been by my side through many big events in my life, and I love her dearly. We don't talk on the phone a lot, we don't see each other a lot either but she has been in our lives at such amazing times....thank you again Rosemary for everything you do, I love having you by my side, even if you are screaming at me to PPPUUUUSSSHHH!!

Another night at the hospital...

Well, we are back in the hospital again - hopefully just for 24 hours!! I had to bring Tanner back to the hospital today to get his bilirubin tested and his tested at 17.9 and they didn't want it going over 18.4 so we got admitted.
As you can see from the pictures he is getting a "sun tan" under some heat lamps for 24 hours and then they will test it again...hopefully levels will be back down and we will get released.
The one nurse said it is just like he is laying at the beach getting some sun!! Don't you just love those little sunglasses?

Tanner Ray Kochan!!

Tanner Ray Kochan arrived today, March 6th, 2009 at 4:39 a.m.
He weighed in at 8lbs, 1/2oz and was 21 1/2 inches long!!

I was having contractions on and off all day but then decided that I didn't want to try to sleep so around 11pm we decided to head to the hospital. they broke my water at about 12:15 and then I got an epidural and pitocin and started pushing at around 4:20 and he was born at 4:39 a.m...

Baby Update ...

IT'S A BOY!!!!

Mom and baby are doing great!

More details and pictures to come soon!!

Another BABY Update!!

I had another doctors appointment today and all is well. I am 3 - 4 cm dilated and obviously moving in the right direction. The baby is head down and I am ready to go. This picture was taken last night and anyone who has seen me recently has said that I look different and that the baby has dropped.....any day now...any day!!

My doctor told me if I haven't gone by next Saturday the 14th, she would like to induce me that day....but she had me cancel all of my appointments next week and said she would probably see me in the hospital within the next few days.

Spring Clean Year Round

Travis was able to come back for a quick trip and hang out...I had a small gathering for her so she could instruct all of us how to get our spring cleaning year round boxes ready!!
Here is the link if you are interested in one.
http://www.springcleanyearround.blogspot.com/

We had a great time, I know Travis wants to meet Kochan #4 - so I am hoping I will have this baby before she takes off....

Tate lost his first tooth

Tate lost his 1st tooth on his 6th birthday!! WOW - where has the time gone!?!?!

Where has the last six years gone?!?!

1st Birthday

2nd Birthday

3rd Birthday

4th Birthday

5th Birthday

Tate is 6 years old today(you can see his 6th Brithday pictures on an earlier post)...and I was thinking this morning, "Where has the last 6 years gone??" Tate is the typical "first born" - very laid back, easy going....happy-go-lucky!! Tate brings a dimension to our family that is calm, cool and collected. He is a lot like his dad!! He is also a great helper around the house!!

We love you so much Tater tot!!

Tate's birthday party

We had Tate's birthday party/sleepover on Friday night ( I wanted to make sure we did something before the baby arrived). Anyway - Aunt Chrisy came through again with flying colors and made r2d2 for his cake. You should have seen the way Tate's eyes lite up when he saw it....

At one point there were 5 boys running around the kitchen in circles playing tag, etc. and I looked at Rob and said, "So this is what it would be like having 5 boys!!"

Tate had a great time, they ended the night with watching the movie Underdog. Rob read What about Heaven? to them and they were asleep by 10:45 PM...

The picture below was taken the next day at noon. All of the boys were up at 6:00 AM. So, we had Tate and Austin lay down for a few minutes after everyone was gone, and they were asleep before we knew it. They slept like this for at least 2 hours on Saturday afternoon. Proof that they had a lot of fun at the birthday party!!

Make a quess and win a prize!!

Ok, I had another doctors appointment today and I am still measuring right what I should be....so she said if I go into labor now, they will not stop me and I can have this baby at any time!! Yahoo, now I just need to start walking...so if you want to be in the contest just e-mail me with your prediction of the date this baby will arrive, the sex, the weight and lenght.

Whoever is the closest gets a prize!!

Baby update!!

I forgot to give everyone our latest news on the baby...I was in for my 36 week appointment last Wednesday and everything looks good. I am still a bit concerned that I am bigger than I should be, but she reassured me that I measured bigger at this time with Avery then I am right now.
She checked me too, and I am 1 cm dilated - that means I need to get walking...
When I was pregnant with Avery I forced my sister-in-law to walk with me 6 miles in one day...and half of that time I was pushing 2 kids in a double stroller...you should have seen the looks she got making the pregnant women push the double stroller...it was priceless?!?!

I have my BOY and GIRL outfits picked too. Aren't they cute?!?!

Finally, an update!!

It is 9:30 and after getting the kids to bed, folding some laundry, and cleaning up the kitchen from our late dinner I decided tonight I needed to update my blog so everyone knows how we are doing.

Where do I begin....

It all started last Thursday morning when Rob woke up at 6:30 AM (which is VERY out of the norm for us) and said, "Tonight Jeanie, we are going to sleep in our new home!!"

I said, "Yeah - ok - bye, bye - I am still sleeping."

As most of you know Rob always stands true to his word, and by 11:30 PM the boys were snuggled in their new bedroom, bunk beds set up and all. And Rob and I actually crawled into our own bed too in our new HOME!!

What a day....I think it made perfect sense to do most of it in one day, so we weren't dragging things out over a longer period of time. He never gives me time to dwell, and I admire him for that....if I dwell I usually end up in a heep of tears feeling sorry for myself.

I think it also had something to do with the conversation we had the night before when I reminded him that Austin was born 2 1/2 weeks early and Avery was 10 days early...and we were approaching those days faster then expected!!

(**As a side note, I predict this baby will arrive anywhere between March 1 - March 9**)

Anyway, the move went really well and I THANK everyone who helped us pack up our old home and also moved us to our new home. I was expecting to move over the weekend, but by Saturday I was already getting settled in and doing what I love to do most...ORGANIZE!!

So - for all of you who would like to see our newest location (and hopefully the last location for a long time) please stop out and take a peak. You can go for a long walk to the mailbox, watch wild life from our living room or run across the road and check our neighbors chickens for eggs.

I will post more pictures soon....good night, and sleep tight!!

Another bread crumb....

I had to post this picture, I feel like this is another bread crumb from God to enjoy. A friend of mine was working on the church directory and found this family picture on the computer and sent it to me so I could have a digital copy. It was taken a while ago when our church was updating the directory. Oh how I love the dress Avery has on, it was one of my most FAVORITE!!

We are busy getting our new house ready. I will post pictures soon for everyone to see. We are still hoping to start the move this upcoming weekend. Although it will be emotionally hard to leave this "home" I know God has called us to a new "home" and I am anxious to get settled.

I have told Rob many times I still struggle with the vivid memories I have on the day of Avery's accident, and because I am human I also tend to get caught up in the "what if's" but honestly....in any situation - you can't do that to yourself. If I doubt, then it shows that I don't trust and I trust Christ whole heatedly, no matter what.

If I didn't trust - I would wallow in my tears and never move forward. God doesn't want that for our lives. God's path is for us to continue to raise our two boys and also welcome another miracle into our family. We look forward to our future here on this earth, but we also look forward to the day we are reunited with our precious Avery. Until then, our time here is short and Rob and I will continue to raise our boys to love the Lord as we do, and live each day for Him. I can't wait to see the other side and know what Avery already knows.

Cast your vote!!

Well, there are a lot of people who don't get to see me regularly wondering how I am carrying this baby...so here is a picture.
Boy or girl, who knows?

Can't wait to find out!!

Art class

Tate and Austin have the wonderful opportunity of doing an art class every Tuesday morning at Mrs. Annis' house (our neighbors). This past week they got to do the color wheel with cookies and frosting. They were able to mix the frosting to make different colors for the color wheel. They loved it!! Who wouldn't love doing an activity like that and also have the opportunity to devourer it too?!?!

The countdown is on...

As everyone can see from above, the countdown is on for our newest addition...with about 7 weeks to go...(I am hoping for maybe around 5 weeks) but only God knows how much longer I have. I swear my belly can't get much bigger, and I am already up multiple times at night going to the bathroom. I would much rather be getting up to hold a little one then just running to the bathroom.

The other exciting news is that we are planning to move to our new house within the next few weeks and we can't wait!!! When we moved into our current house over two years ago, it was about 12 weeks prior to Avery's birth...so this time we seem to be cutting it a bit closer.

I have had many wonderful friends out this past week helping me pack up the house. Our walls are bare, so it already doesn't seem like it is a "home" anymore. I have been in and out of Avery's room a lot as we have been cleaning out the storage room but I still haven't tackled it yet. I have attempted a few times, but with her clothes still hanging in her closet and her dresser still packed with her PJ's, swim suit, and shorts...I just haven't had the emotional energy to do it. I know one day God will just grant me the strength and I will be able to do it...but until then I have a few weeks.

I got a great devotional from a friend, since we belong to Jesus' flock and He's our Good Shepherd, where will He lead us? Psalm 23:2-3 tells us: beside the still waters and in paths of righteousness. Isn't that reassuring? We can trust our Shepherd to lead us to refreshing waters and along protected paths. When I don't know what to do or how to get through a situation, I ask God to go before me and make the way straight.

One last thing....don't forget to vote at the new poll I have posted.

These next few weeks/months are going to be crazy, I will post as much as I can - but I have a lot on my plate right now!! Thank you everyone for your continued prayers!!

DVD's are complete

I just wanted to let everyone know the DVD's are done. I have copies on Avery's funeral and I also have copies on the Season of Hope when I spoke on December 17th.

I already have about 25 addressed to people that have requested them. If you would like a copy, please let me know. My only request - after watching the Season of Hope please pass it on to someone that could also benefit from it.

I know there is so much heartache in this world, and if I can give anyone a glimpse of hope, I want to be able to do that....

I continue to miss Avery more than most people can imagine, but I know one of these days, I will be face to face with her again in Heaven and in the presence of our Lord - that day couldn't come fast enough.

Happy Anniversary!!

Well, today officially marks that Rob and I have been married for 8 wonderful years. I still stand in awe of my husband and I count my blessings every day to the very simple and normal life we live.....here are some of our adventures we have experienced together these past 8 years.

We met in 1999 and he proposed to be 5 months later....and we both knew this was the person we wanted to grow old with. I was able to take 21 hours my last semester at KU so that I could start planning our wedding.
2000 we spent getting to know each other more, and enjoying every minute we had together. This is also when I started my personal relationship with the Lord and when Rob and I decided that Christ would be the center of our household, no matter what we faced.

We were married in 2001 and our first big challenge was to remodel the "school house" we were currently living, we also started North Star Builders. Once the "school house" was complete, we looked forward to doing more projects together.

In 2002, within a few months of getting settled back into the newly remodeled "school house", I found out we were expecting our first child.

Tate was born in March of 2003 and although labor and delivery was not what I was expecting..we were so excited to have a very healthy BIG boy!!

During 2003 we also found the "lake house" for Rob's parents and started remodeling it so that the Kochan's and the Sulwer's had a place to stay when they came to Iowa for weekend visits.

6 months after Tate was born I found out I was pregnant again (SURPRISE!!) and 14 months after Tate was born I gave birth to Austin in May of 2004.

The summer/fall of 2004 Kevin and Cindy moved to North Liberty and Rob was able to build their house for them. It was so nice to have Tate and Austin's cousins so close...

Not long after we were getting used to having 2 boys around the house Rob came across 20 acres in Swisher, and in 2005 we purchased our next property.

While we were living in the "lake house" and working on our newest property, I found out I was pregnant again. So, we moved into our new house in Swisher, June 2006 and I gave birth to Avery in August of 2006.

In 2007 the "lake house" sold and Rob started building Aunt Chrissy's house in North Liberty. Rob also came across 118 acres up the road from our current house and within a few days, our offer was accepted, and we were proud owners of our "newest" location.

There was an old, old abandoned farm house on the property and in 2008 we moved it across the road, completely remodeled it and then sold it to some good friends of ours.

Also in 2008 we were hit with one of the hardest things for our family to ever endure. Our daughter Avery, who was only 21 months old, was taken to be with our heavenly Father in a very unexpected accident in our driveway. After this took place we decided to leave our current house behind and build again on our new land.

As most of you know, Rob and I also decided we wanted to add to our family. So in July we found out we were pregnant again and now happily awaiting baby #4.

All in all, or lives have been filled with many adventures....lots of great ones and some that have left holes in our hearts that will never be filled again. Through all of these times, our foundation hasn't been shaken and we still stand firm in our faith. We know we can do EVERYTHING through Christ who gives us strength....Philippians 4:13

I love you Rob!!

Mall of America here we come...

We decided to take a quick trip before things got really crazy with moving to our new house and the new baby...so we took off for a few days to the Water Park of America, which is right across the street from the Mall of America.

We had such a great time!! We did a lot of swimming at the water park and rode a lot of rides at the mall. It was so nice to have a mini vacation.