my heart aches...

Well, I was struck with some type of bug and am writing this post from the comfort of my bed. After sleeping until noon I grabbed my computer to catch up on some news and also check in with a few friends who have blogs...it seems this time of year gets busy, so I have been unable to keep up with everyone's adventures.

After checking numerous blogs, and then checking my e-mail I was very disturbed by a few of the headlines posted on the AOL main page...

Police Eye Shoppers in Wal-Mart Trampling Death

Two Dead in Black Friday Shooting at Toys 'R' Us

As so many gathered on Thanksgiving with family and friends, I was reminded of how grateful we are to have such an amazing family, and an awesome group of friends...but those thoughts seem to get overlooked, and we are entertained by the fact that someone lost their life yesterday by trampled shoppers, and two others lost their lives at a toy store...I am confident these three people didn't wake up and think this would be the last day here on earth.

As I was prepared to post all of the things Tate and Austin are thankful for this year, I have decided instead to let you know my heart aches for these people who lost their lives unexpectedly, and also for their family and friends who have the daunting task of funeral arrangements, remembering their last moments with their loved ones, their thoughts on Thanksgiving, and what it will mean to them from this point forward.

I pray God will comfort them and that they know who their personal savior is, only God can carry you through a time so unimaginable. I also pray that during this time of immense grief, that there is a sense of HOPE and that they know Jesus is right there with them.

"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." John 14:18

Who was she going to look like?

I have this picture of Avery that sits on my desk, and I look at it all of the time..but my mom came across the picture on the right....and it is me when I was about 15 months old.

I have always said that Avery had so many "Kochan" traits, but I am beginning to think she would have looked like her mommy too.

What do you think?

Let's say thanks....

Something cool that Xerox is doing If you go to this web site, http://www.letssaythanks.com/ you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq . You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services. This is a great site. Please send a card. It is FREE and it only takes a second.

A Season of Hope

A Season of Hope Women’s Fellowship

Date: Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Time: 7:00 – 9:00PM

Location: Grace Community Church

Guest Speaker: Jeanie Kochan

Our devotional....

Today our devotional was about how we can send our love to God in heaven above....it was a perfect devotional for the boys since we talk about Avery constantly and how she is in heaven and that we can't wait to be with her....

So, after we were done with our devotional we went and got some balloons and wrote messages on the balloons to Jesus and Avery and then let them go...

Since we released balloons the day of her funeral/picnic and also on her birthday, it is starting to become a tradition to send balloons. It is a reminder to us all that she is in a better place!!

Deuteronomy 26:15 "Look down from heaven, your holy place and bless your people."

Windows are in....

and we have a front door.

It is really coming along....

Mystery meals...

THANK YOU to whoever made us 9 more meals. I got a phone call from the secretary at our church and she said there was a mysterious note on her desk that we had some meals to pick up at the church.

So - THANK YOU for whoever did this awesome act of kindness...although we continue to have good and bad days, I am reminded by so many peoples faithfulness, that we are still prayed for and though of often...I can't say it enough - THANK YOU!!

My time had come...

Saturday was a COLD, rainy and snowy day...my cold had gotten worse, I was exhausted from the night before and I wanted some rest. Rob's parents and Chris were here for the weekend, so after going out for lunch with them and running to the mall we all grabbed a warm drink from Starbucks and headed back to Chris's house for some much needed "down-time". I was going to work on my testimony while the boys were napping but soon realized my laptop was in the car Rob had, and he was deer hunting. So - I figured this would be a good time to do what I have told myself for months I couldn't do, and that was to watch the DVD of Avery's funeral. I grabbed a blanket, a box of Kleenex, my chai tea and we (Chris, Carol and myself) sat by the warm fire.

During the slide show I couldn't help but just weep, seeing her adorable face, and remembering all of those fun times we had with her...and then the service began. I have a few distinct memories from that day but I can't remember much about the service. I had completely forgotten that anyone sang, and although Pastor Brooks's message was REMARKABLE, I was unable to remember any part of it!! Thank God for technology...today I was able to hear what I needed to hear, I was able to listen and grasp what God wanted me to hear. My mind was tired, sad, and I was drained, yet I could understand fully that when we are called home to be with our Lord we will be reunited with Avery too. I knew this, I just needed a reminder.

Last week I had been thinking about some distinct characteristics that I miss about Avery, and the one that kept coming back to me was her hands....I loved her hands and her feet. I could picture in my mind this one image of her that I just had to see....once the kids were in bed on Wednesday night I grabbed my laptop and started searching my pictures on my computer until I found the one I was looking for.....sure enough I found it and I could so clearly remember how she used to grab things and then let them go....something I missed so much. In this picture she was at my parents house and they were counting Grandpa's coins in his coin bucket. Obviously she was having more fun grabbing handfuls of coins and dropping them back on the table....like Austin has said before, "I know Avery is picking up handfuls of gold on the streets in heaven."

If anyone would like a copy of Avery's slide show and funeral, I would be more than happy to send it to you. Pastor Brooks message is incredible. Just e-mail me and I will send it to you.

A fun evening with friends....

I was honored to host a little gathering for our dear friend Travis Prachar, who recently relocated to Florida with her husband and four children. They packed up and left all they had here in Iowa to join the many devoted people of Christ in the mission field.

Her blog is http://www.pracharfamily.blogspot.com/ if you want to read more about their daily duties in Florida.

Even though the weather was yucky on Friday evening, the room was filled with the aroma of many appetizers, desserts, and apple cider (just to name a few). The constant chatter, much laughter, and just being with Travis warmed all of our hearts. Marcie was able to track down Travis's favorite scent from Bath and Body Works (which many of us are holding in the picture), this scent has since been discontinued but nothing Marcie couldn't find on the internet. We also celebrated Natasha and Jenny's birthday!!

Travis, we love you and miss you already, our time was short...but SO very enjoyable!!

Operation Christmas Child

Tate and Austin went to Target with me and we filled our "shoe boxes" with toys, and hard candy, etc. so it can be sent to children somewhere else in the world. This tradition started a few years ago and I think it has been a great lesson for our own children. A lesson in the fact that there are kids that don't get ANY Christmas presents and if we can fill one box for them so they can get at least a few little surprises...it is so worth it!! Once Tate and Austin get over the fact that we weren't going to Target to get them toys, it was a lot of fun!!

National Collection Week is November 17-24, 2008. Operation Christmas Child operates hundreds of collection centers across the country.
If you need more information, go directly to their website at:
http://www.samaritanspurse.org/

There is a first for everything....

I did my first bid on E-bay today and won!! Tate and Austin have recently gotten into Star Wars legos....actually they got a lego set to make a motorcycle and ended up making a space ship and they have been playing with them for HOURS at a time...they even sleep with them at night!!

We were over at Aunt Cindy's today and realized you can get mini lego people too. So, when I got home I started looking on the internet and my search kept pulling up E-bay so I ventured on there to see what they had. Low and be hold there was someone who was selling a whole set of mini lego people for a reasonable price (at least that is what I thought but I am not going to tell you what it is - because I am sure you will think I am CRAZY). I clicked on the bid button and increased the bid by two dollars and submitted. The afternoon got away from me and the next thing I knew I was making dinner and trying to get the boys ready for family night at church, just as we were walking out the door...I checked my e-mail and there was an e-mail in my in-box that said I had won!!

I was so excited, not really sure what to do now, but I will figure that out!!

Everything looks good!!

We had our 20 week ultrasound this morning, and everything looked good. The baby was moving around like crazy. When we first got there the head was up and within minutes the head was down, it was amazing, and I can barely feel any movement yet. The tech said the baby was around 15 cm long and 14 oz in weight. Although this is #4 for us, God continues to amaze me at how awesome He is in allowing a tiny little human being to develop in my tummy....

two little arms

two little legs

one sweet profile

And for all of you that wanted us to find out what we are having....

Nope, we did not find out!!

All Saints Day...

I received this e-mail from Kathy Bostrom (the author of "What about Heaven?") a few days ago and was so honored that she would do this in memory of Avery...I know Avery will be smiling when she hears her name being read...we love you Avery!!

Every year on the first Sunday in November, we read aloud the names of all those who have died during the past year, as part of our All Saints Day service. When the name is read, the family and friends of the person stands, and a candle is lit. I hope you don't mind that I put Avery on our list, as "friend of Kathy Bostrom." I wanted to acknowledge both her life on earth, and her new life in the kingdom of God. I will think of you when her name is read.